Heimy's Bio Page!
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The Heimy Archives --- Heimy's Bio Page --- Contests --- Back to Home
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Name: Heimy Schmendrick
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Occupation: Intergalactic neon pig extraordinaire
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Super-human/pig powers: Funky hot pants, healthy neon glow
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Creed: "I don't want no scrubs. A scrub is a guy who can't get no love from me" --TLC
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Turn ons: Neon chicks who dig Lionel Richie
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Origin: One of the many superheros of our time that has enjoyed the benefits of being at Ground Zero during a nuclear blast (see "The Incredible Hulk," and others). Heimy was turned neon, somehow acquired hotpants, a space helmit and goggles, and was left entirely unscratched.
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Name: The Atomic Moo-Man
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Occupation: Self-proclaimed avenger of dairy exploitation
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Super-human/bovine powers: Extremely tight cow suit (keeps all the blood in his muscles and safely away from his head)
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Creed: "Milk and cookies? Cheese and crackers? HA! A Moo-Man craves not these things."
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Turn ons: The Farmland Dairy carton girl
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Origin: Currently unknown
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Name: The Milk Man
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Occupation: Evil splurter of spoiled milk
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Super-human/recycled paper-board powers: Splurts milk from hands, looks like giant carton of milk
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Creed: "Hahaha! I like my Reeces with...MILK!"
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Turn ons: Large, supple, dairy-related boxes
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Origin: Never breast-fed as a child. Turned to a life of crime after being beaten by his father with little dead gerbils.
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Name: Jeff Heller (the one with the glasses)
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Occupation: English major/hack cartoonist
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Super-human powers: Can often times forget his own phone number
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Creed: "I swear, I don't even LIKE Lionel Richie. It's all the pig!
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Turn ons: Drawing neon pigs in hot pants
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Origin: Read too much "Garfield" as a child.
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Interested in reproducing or printing "Heimi Schmendrick: Intergalactic Neon Pig Extraordinaire?" Contact Jeff Heller at shaxper20@hotmail.com
"Heimy Schmendrick: Intergalactic Neon Pig Extraordinaire," associated characters, and the contents of this page are the work and possessions of Jeff Heller. Copyright 2000, Jeff Heller. Unauthorized reproduction is a copyright violation
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